If we just listen......
I can't say this enough. It is not what my kids are learning through this homeschooling process it is also what their mom is learning.
My son Cade decided he would like to play football. He looked online to find one near where we were going to be living in CA and registered himself start to finish. He had his first practice and loved it. It was a full first week of hard core conditioning. I could tell from the start that this organization was a much more competitive than his recreation league in Chicago. However, it was Cade's decision so have at it! After a full week of conditioning, Cade proved to be right up there with the top boys! He was very proud of himself. Working really hard and the coaches were very complimentary of him. The next week was the first week with full pads. Cade also decided to sign himself up for a full week of surf camp before his football in the evening so it was going to be tough to say the least. After the first day with pads, it was very obvious who the "new" players were and the returning players! Cade was completely beat up to the point he could not move his arm. He was not a happy boy. I watched him try to hang in there, but it was not looking good. Now when he came home his arm was still hurt a bit but not to the degree he was showing us after practice. I have watched kids enough to see the signs....are they really hurt or just trying to get attention or sympathy etc? That is a hard call. So I studied Cade's behavior. He looked in pain, there is no doubt about that, but at surfing he hid it and football he milked it.....hmmmmmmm?????? About midweek Cade came to Mark and I and said he did not want to play football because he was hurt. Mark was like no big deal and my initial reaction was "you start something you finish it" and "Is he really hurt or using it as an excuse?" So I pulled Cade aside and tried to get some answers. I tried to explain to him that being honest is a much easier route to go.... so decide are you hurt or is this just not what you signed up for? With tears in his eyes he says "Mom, I just don't like hitting other people or getting hit and these kids are way too tough for me! This was NOT what I thought it would be like!" Now that was pure honesty so now what do I do? Stand by the ole saying, "when you start something you finish it" or what? So I started thinking. I am an adult and if I do not like something I don't do it anymore. Why should I force my kid to do it? It is clear this is not his cup of tea. Sometimes as a society we all follow these silly "rules" and are concerned with what "others" will think when in the end we just need to listen to our kids and let them be empowered to make their own decisions. Cade actually came to me and said he would like to pay for any expenses that we had to incur, and he will call the coaches and director and let them know his decision. He is 11 years old and watched him work thru something very difficult, take full responsibility, make all the necessary phone calls even sent an email of thanks to the coaches and lastly, walk by his peers with his head held high to return his equipment and feel proud of his decision. In all honesty, I was scared of what people would think. They will say he is a quitter or wimp....Well, those are my own insecurities and issues and my 11 year old just taught me.....who cares!!!! I asked Cade if he felt sad or worried about anything did he think his Papi was going to be sad that he was NOT playing football and he said, "Naw, Papi would not be mad at me. He supports all my passions and desires no matter what they are." Thanks Cade, you just showed me how to stand up to what you want no matter what others think!
