I felt it nessessary today (I have no clue why) to document my fear that the introduction of duct tape and fossilized algae into my bedroom may have a negative effect on my love life.
In late 2009 when we were still living in Manhattan there was a point in time that we decided we would move to Chicago. Being the thrifty folks we were, we decided to collect the moving boxes that people had just discarded (ready for the trash pick-up) rather than buy new ones. Recycling already used boxes also seemed to be a more 'Green' approach. We packed them flat and stored many of them in a section in our bedroom ready to use when we started packing up. As it happens this was not our smartest move, as this was more than likely how we introduced a few bed-bugs into our home. Being bitten by one of these things is like having a burning piece of coal on your skin for about a week. Funny thing is I was the only one getting bitten. I actually felt good about that (not wanting the rest of the family to suffer) but also felt like the family sacrifical lamb! Still we were proactive and had the professional pest control guys come in and spray and do there thing........one week later, still got bitten. Who cares I say, we are moving to Chicago. Leave those bugs behind us and move on with life.
So about a week ago in our nice new place in Chicago I got bitten again! I could not believe it, they had hitched a ride in my underware draw......or where ever. I was suddenly a man on a mission. I Wikipedia'd the whatsit on the topic and to the fear of my wife I became obsessed with the section on trapping them. I was like Nathan Lane in the movie 'Mouse Hunt'. It wasn't enough to just catch them, I wanted to punish them for the pain and sleepless nights they have caused me. IT'S THEIR TURN NOW! Ok I'll calm down. So per the Wikipedia intructions I bought some duct tape and this powder called Diatomaceous Earth or fossilized algae. It is actually broken up shells of tiny critters that scratch the bed bug to death when they walk through the powder.....yea now your talking! I felt it appropriate to make this online purchase before telling my wife, as such craziness in the past has been met with the justifiable 'Look', and who needs that when you're a man on a mission.
Big news! It all arrived today! So, while my lovely bride is currently at yoga (sweating in a room that is so hot it might exceed the temperature on the surface of the Sun) I am laying the trap for my blood sucking ememy! Per the instructions I have plastered duct tape (sticky side up using double sided tape) around each of the bed posts and around the entire circumference of the bed. This is to trap the little buggers when they try to advance on my sleeping body. I have then scattered this critter dust all over the bedroom and expecially in all the nooks and crannies. Unfortunatley it was tough going there for a bit as it was a little hard to breathe due to the dust cloud that had erupted in the room.
However, as I pop my head back in the room right now and observe the battlefield for tonights grudge match I have to seriously ask myself if this once beautiful love nest turned war zone will have an adverse effect on my love life. I say let's hold judgement until Brenna comes back from yoga. My fear of course is as she approaches the bed she will either get tripped up on the duct tape, fall over and hit her head or faint from the lack of oxygen in the air. Either way, I don't think I'm gonna get bitten tonight!
(Mark)
